I finally broke down and bought a distortion pedal (Fab Tone, half-way down the page) for my guitar. It was actually something of a compromise as I originally intended to spend a lot more on a multi-effects board.

The store I buy my gear from is always filled with stereotypical 60’s burnouts, but there’s one guy in particular who amuses without fail. He’s about 50, looks like this Jerry Garcia variation, and may very well be spun (yes, that kind of spun) off his rocker each time I see him.

He’s got a unique little racket whereby he concludes each sale with some corny joke. When I bought my guitar, the joke was the perplexing (and yes, probably politically insensitive):

Do homeless people understand knock-knock jokes?

For the distortion pedal I got this far more elaborate number:

This guy works at a morgue, and he’s preparing a body for storage. As he uncovers the corpse he hears faint singing: “Well I left my home down on the rural route…” Looking around and seeing nobody, he continues preparing the body.

Again, he hears singing: “I told my pa I’m going steppin’ out and get the honky tonk blues…” The guy gets concerned at this point and calls his boss to come over. “I keep hearing somebody singing country music. What the hell is going on?” The two men look around but still find nobody else in the room. Sure enough the singing starts again: “Hey the honky tonk blues…”

Looking at the body, the guy notices some kind of plug in the ass of the corpse — he proceeds to pull it out. There’s another burst of singing, much louder this time: “Hey Lord I got `em, I got the ho-on-ky tonk blues!” Horrified, the guy reels back from the table in fear.

His boss says, “Don’t worry, son. Any old asshole can sing country music.”

He claims the people that love this joke are the country musicians themselves. No offense, finger-pickers!

…In case you’re wondering — the song is “Honky Tonk Blues” by Hank Williams.