dennis.ca

The beard experiment has been all too successful. I've launched past the Bob Vila stage and am firmly entrenched in the hitherto unknown Jerry Garcia realm. A conservative estimate is 1.5 inches of length all around. The fact that my hair is also buck-wild doesn't help, either.

As an insulator the beard is spectacularly effective. In fact, even though Ottawa has seen temperatures of -10000 celcius for what seems like weeks, my face remains baby-soft -- seemingly impervious to temperature. I could not have forseen the condensation/wind chill problem, though. Mere minutes of being outside results in an intrusive moustache ice build-up that could only be described as irritating.

So, dear readers, in a fit of frustration I bring to you "The Shaving Chronicles".

I'm including a baseline to interpret the horrors to come -- and to prove that I'm not taking the Jerry comparison lightly.

I don't own clippers, but I do own scissors. Remember the scene from The Wall when Pink is shaving? After nearly recreating that on my neck, I gave up using the scissors.

...Luckily I had a 5-pack of no-name razors and an ample supply of shaving cream. I didn't anticipate the potential for sink clogging, however.

A devious plan unfolded in the form of a paper towel to filter the sink drainage. The remains can only be described as "gross".

It took one full hour, but I feel like a new man -- one with an entirely new respect for shaving. Now I can get back to a regular shaving regimen again... You know, once every three or four days.